Monday, January 12, 2015

Letting go

Usually people don't know what to write about in a blog and end up writing about things that aren't worth writing about. Over the years, i have learned not to be shy about my thoughts and thought some of you might like to hear about this topic. It's a strong one and all people know how hard and sensitive it can be.

 I know i have been there once but that one time made up for a lot, it started with my very first relationship if you know me you probably saw it happen but don't know the complete story. Most people don't like talking about their relationships especially if it went bad and in my story it didn't go as i expected. I honestly think it was the best relationship i have ever been in. Not only because it was my very first one but because we shared so many things together. I'm one of those girls who always say "That will never happen to me" but girls it happened to me. I was a Junior and he was a Senior when he asked me and when he finally did i was in shock i literally looked at him like he was crazy. But he was serious, you would think he was a player or a jerk just by looking at him but he was none of those things. He tried to act tough like most but once he stepped off the wrestling mat he was the opposite. We only lasted like 2 weeks then we broke up i can not tell you how i felt without feeling it again as i think about it. Most girls would go home after that news but i put a smile on my face and kept going with my day at school that did not stop me from my school work. He felt terrible i could see it in his eyes every time we passed each other.
     A week later, i went on a vacation my parents had planned for months it kept my mind away for a few weeks but not one minute did i stop thinking about him it was hard to do. His best friends later told me he had been planning to ask me to be his girlfriend again because some how i didn't leave his mind either. I thought it was a joke and i didn't want to speak to him. 4 months went by and Prom was just around the corner and he already had a date i wasn't planning on going to prom my friends kept telling me to go but i just didn't want to. He later found me and asked me if he could speak to me he took me to this place i've never been to it was beautiful so peaceful a place where you can just think about anything. He looks at me and asks if i'm going to prom and i tell him no. I ask him if he is and he says not anymore. i look at him like what the heck? He smiles and says i changed my mind and told her that i didn't want to go to prom anymore. I feel this lump in my throat feeling like it's my fault but it wasn't he just didn't want to go with someone he doesn't want to. As most of you guess we did end up going to prom together and it was the BEST prom in the world. Even though it wasn't my prom i had so much fun with everyone that was there, i still remember it as it was yesterday. The 3 very special words a guy could ever say to a girl was said that night for me. Ever since that day we spent every moment we could together we have so many memories that can't be thrown away.
    We went through it all in the short time we had together before he left for college. The VERY last day we spent together was the last day before he left in the morning to college was amazing. Unfortunately, we didn't know it would be the last, a mistake that he made ruined everything we had everything we shared. I couldn't believe it he couldn't either, he didn't know he was capable of doing such a thing to hurt a person he loved. The only reason why i let him go is because we both agreed on moving on for the better. He came clean without doubt. He grew up and told me the truth although it hurt he was honest about it and could of denied it but didn't. That's how i realized how much he cared about me that he told me the truth knowing nothing would ever happen between us again.

 Letting go of the person you love the most in this world is the hardest thing you could do. Watching them live their life without you is scary especially when you had a real connection with them. But little did you know that they will be okay and that you will as well. Don't hold back your feelings, they deserve to be heard. They do matter. I have no regrets i have nothing bad to say about him because he treated me how i should be treated a princess and he did that. A friend of mine ran into one of his college friends and he asked about me and said, that he never once said anything bad about me, "all good things" and you don't hear that everyday. That is why i love talking about this because i got lucky and even though it didn't end well we ended in good terms.